Rethinking accountability: Act vs. Active

Last night, the guys and gals in our small group split up and met at different locations.  Mainly, we were talking about the areas of lust and purity.  As I sat there with my brothers discussing the subject, we began to talk about accountability.

As we breached the topic of accountability, we talked about the typical, set meeting where we show up and admit to whether or not we messed up and move on.  Eventually, we almost get accustomed to admitting some “mess up” without specifics or listening to someone else’s confession and never really moving beyond it.  Sometimes, this “act” or “event” of accountability even enables our wrong thinking because we get comfortable with the fact that “every one else is struggling with this too… so, it’s normal”.  Does this kind of accountability really work?   At some point, the light bulb began to click for us around the room.  Maybe we need to look at accountability differently.

I think there are 2 ways to view accountability.  The first is to view it as a singular act or event.  The second is to see it as an ongoing, active process and way of thinking.   Speaking from experience, I know we men tend to fall into the first category.  We view accountability as an act.  A one time event that we go to and leave from.  Sure, it may be every Wednesday or every other Monday, but as far as accountability is concerned, we’re only accountable at those events when we practice the “act” of accountability.  Usually it goes something like this:  A couple of dudes show meet up at a specific time at a house, restaurant, or coffee shop.  Then, they’ll small talk for a while or cut straight to the chase so they can get it out of the way and talk about other stuff.  They’ll probably have a list of questions or a few areas that they know they’re going to have to answer for.  It usually only takes a few minutes.  Most guys have other areas, but really, they’re all thinking about the area of purity.  If they “messed up” during the previous week, they’re probably writhing in their seat trying to figure out how to say it as quickly and neatly as possible.  Maybe you didn’t mess up and when the other guy says he did, it makes you feel just a little bit better about yourself.  Then, you might even discuss why it happened or how to improve and before you know it, you’re talking about the next movie you want to see.  Then, the next week you’re faced with the same temptation and the “act of accountability” feels a long way off.

I’ll be honest.  That’s pretty much where I’ve been with accountability.  I think that I’ve failed myself and others by just staying there for so long.  But this isn’t about guilt.  As our group was reminded last night from a Psalm of David, the Lord forgives even “the guilt of my sin”.  So, what if accountability was more than an act?  What if it were an ongoing, active communication?  Maybe it would look like this:

Let’s start at the “meeting”…

A few dudes meet up for their regular meeting.  They discuss life and what they’re learning from the Lord.  They spend time laughing and challenging each other.  Maybe at times, they confront each other with tough questions.  One thing’s for sure, they’re honest.   They’ve probably discussed their struggles whether it be with purity or something else.  They’ve helped each other come up with boundaries and parameters to be victorious in those areas.  They usually spend some focused time praying with and for each other (life, temptation, family, leading, etc.)  Then, they leave.  But it doesn’t end there…

A day or 2 later, they’re still thinking about each other and praying for each other.  One dude thinks about his buddy, prays for him, and then sends him a text to let him know.  That guy gets the text and prays for the other guys too and lets them know.  A few more days go by.  One dude is out of town for the weekend and the other guys know about it.  They call him and pray for him.  They’ll text him biblical reminders to stay strong throughout the weekend.  Another guy is home alone for a few hours.  He’s had a few stressful days at work and he’s feeling extremely tempted.  He thinks about the other guys and texts them so they’ll pray for him.  One of the other guys takes it a step further and calls the dude up and asks him some tough questions, he even offers some suggestions that get the tempted guy out of the situation all together.   They’re always reminding each other of what’s most important in their lives…. their pursuit of Christ.

And the active, ongoing communicative accountability just keeps working… it becomes habitual and ingrained in their thinking.  They’re iron sharpening each other every day.  They’re all becoming more like Christ together.

^“ As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)

Why wait till a knife gets dull to sharpen it?  Why not keep it sharp and ready all the time?  Let’s try this together!

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